Thursday, February 19, 2009

Chip Chop

**Caution** This post is completely done "tongue in cheek"...if you don't know what that means, either stop reading or go call your Mom and ask her, then proceed.

There are those pivotal moments in friendships or relationships that really change the way you look at someone. If you share things in common that are important to you, it makes you feel like you can really connect on a certain level. However if you find out that they are inept in areas that you feel are important, you tend to look at them differently. Not necessarily less, just different.
That being said, I believe that being able to use chopsticks or not is one of those things for me. Albeit INCREDIBLY shallow, but none the less, it is one. If I find out you can use them, chances are I will like you better all of a sudden. I have often said my only stipulations for marriage is that the guy is LDS, filthy rich, and can use chopsticks. I plan to hold to that as much as possible, and if I had to let go of one, I guess I could do with being upper-middle class.
Think about it; having the ability to use chopsticks says a lot about a person.
For example...

  • Incredible self control
-Many people try and soon get frustrated, and and "give in" to the temptation to grab the nearest fork, but not the chopstick user...he/she perseveres.

  • Patience
-Many people just plain give up altogether, and never even grab the chopsticks while they are in line at Panda Express. Then, when they see their very chopstick adept friend grab a pair of them, they make some insecure comment about how chopsticks are lame. But this young Grasshopper patiently practices, no matter how much defeat, and learns much more than just the art of the sticks.

  • Believing in Oneself
-Nowadays, many people will try to cut you down at every good thing you try to do. Especially if it makes you look better than them. But the person who uses chopsticks believes that they can, and so they do. They have a better, firmer grasp on reality, and the great things that they can accomplish with a little trust in themselves.

  • Accomplishing Goals
-Those who do not try, do not know the great feeling that comes with accomplishing a goal you have patiently and consistently worked at. There is no greater feeling than accomplishing something you put your mind to. The chopstick user, clearly understands the importance and value of accomplishing goals.

Now do you understand the importance of chopstick usage? There are clearly exceptional qualities about a person who has mastered this art. (granted, you don't have to be able to eat a whole meal by picking up one grain of rice at a time, just get by-eating the meal successfully.) I know that when I have children I will teach them from a young age, so that when they grow up, they too, can have these admirable qualities.

For all of you who are saying, "Oh dear, I always use a fork at Teryaki Stix," don't worry. You can still learn. Just be patient, and have a loving friend or family member help to support you, and I know you can do it. I don't love you any less if you can't, I just like you less.

P.S. There are do's and don'ts of the art.... this is a don't... (click on it to enlarge)


Great Scott's! said...

You are hilarious! I dont want to toot my own horn, however, I can and will use chopsticks as much as possible. I never over analyzed this skill before, but you definately have a point. I feel the same way about softball. I'll go in depth with you on that later. So go ahead love me more, like it's even possible. :) just kidding.

Kat said...

I LOVE this post. I actually prefer using chopsticks! That's gonna come in handy when Travis and I go to Hong Kong. I seriously grew up knowing how to use chopsticks. My parents taught me well! Great post, and very clever!!!

rachel said...

I love this post, it is seriously probably the best I've ever seen! I'm going to nominate it for an award. If there is no award for which I can nominate this, then I will make one up and you will win it.

Bray said...

Chris and I and all our girls except Ava use chopsticks (ava uses the ones that have the eleastic around them so they are kid friendly) so do you like us??? we hope so. We like you!

Laurel Bogar said...

Oh dear, I always use a fork at Teryakki Stix!

leslie s said...

Now this is where it gets a little complicated! What about us half and halfers? ;) Half the time I'm all fork and half the time I'm sticks. So, the million dollar question you like me half the time or half as much?...hum...I know, a little brain teaser!! :) LOVE YA no mater what!

Love your blog too...I actually just found it today through Gales! It was so fun to read your posts!!